The Myth of the “Perfect Path” and Finding Personal Progress
Recovery is not about perfection. In fact, everyone has a different journey to recovery. It is not linear, but rather a journey that can be incredibly uncomfortable and mountainous at times.
We all have our own internal compass, my north may look different than yours, however, it is always working to lead us back to our truest selves. When it comes to recovery, True North is not about a fail proof perfect plan that you follow to a T. Instead, it is about consistently making choices that bring you closer to a healthier, happier, and more authentic version of you. When setbacks and failures happen (because they absolutely do), your True North remains steady. That internal compass will work to keep you oriented and moving forward no matter how small the steps you take are. Reclaiming your True North is practical, not perfect, and you reclaim a better version of you with the daily decisions, boundaries, and self compassionate choices that you make each day.
When we think about “recovery” or “personal growth”, it is easy to have tunnel vision. It is easy to list things off and picture this “perfect plan”, a straight line from where you are right now to where you want to be. We imagine it being quick, painless, and fool proof. This is not true, but rather a myth that we have created in society. This “perfect plan” does not exist. Recovery is not about flawless progress. It is about finding your way forward, reaching your goals, and learning from the journey - even if yours looks completely different from everyone else’s. “True North” is not a ridged destination, it is personal. It is your compass that will keep you oriented and moving towards your values, beliefs, and authentic self. There will be days when things do not go to plan, you will feel off course and questions your direction or capabilities. But progress is and always will be personal. Sometimes progress is getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, or doing your dishes. Other days it can be huge accomplishments and progress that your family, friends, or spouse will notice. It is okay for it to take some time. This is a journey, not a stroll in the park, but it will be worth it. Your progress will be built in then dedication you build and the courage and self discipline it takes to continue even when you feel lost or disoriented. You will find freedom in letting go of the perfection you or others expect from you. There is no perfect path. Letting go of this will help you focus on what truly matters - growth and pace. Growth that feels right and works for you, as well as, a pace that keeps you on track instead of derailing you.
When your progress feels messy (and it will) there are steps that you can take to stay grounded and realign with your internal compass.
Daily Grounding - Start your day with a few “rituals” to ground you. These can be small and you do not need to do all of them. A few deep breaths, a morning walk with some coffee, writing down what you are grateful for, or even just sitting outside for a few minutes. These can help you reconnect with the present (instead of spiraling about the rest of the day and the challenge you may face) and will help quiet the noise of perfectionism or comparison. Ask yourself: What is one thing that I can do today to begin movement towards my True North?
Build and Lean on your Support Systems - Progress and recovery is not a solo venture. You must surround yourself with people who respect your journey and are willing to accompany you in the storms. These individuals need to be able to celebrate your wins with you, and dig you out of the trenches when you feel like you are sinking. This could be a best friend, spouse, parent, support group, or your life coach. Try this: Make a list of a few people that you can reach out to this week. Practice checking in with them, even if you feel like you should have it all together. Connecting with your support system is PROGRESS!
Practice Compassion for YOU - The way you speak to yourself shapes the journey that you will endure. Catch and correct yourself when you are stewing in your mind, beating yourself down. Those thoughts will not get you anywhere, except right back where you started. Change the thoughts and words that you catch and replace them with something you would say to someone in your situation. You do not need to be perfect despite what the world or your mind may tell you. Try this: When you catch yourself thinking “I should be farther along than this” or “When am I going to be able to stop this?” Pause, reframe this and say it out loud. “I am exactly where I need to be today. Growth is happening, even in small ways.” Celebrate your wins. I do not care if that win is your end goal of sobriety or if it was you making the bed. These are wins and we must teach ourselves to celebrate and recognize the progress.
Weekly Check In - Check in with yourself weekly and ask yourself if the path that you are on is still serving you. Figure out where you may need to adjust, push harder, or pull back. Adjust with compassion rather than judgement of yourself.
REMEMBER:
Recovery is not a perfect process. It’s a courageous one. It’s about showing up, day after day, and choosing to walk in the direction of your True North — whatever that looks like for you. No matter the pace, no matter the detours, you are still moving forward. And that is something to be proud of.